Thursday, March 01, 2012

Ways To Say No When You Don't Want To Say Yes

It takes time and practice before you can say no without feeling guilty.  It helps to be prepared.  Learning to spot the signs of on-coming unwanted requests will help. 

Warning Signs

They will say... "I've been meaning to ask..."
They will say..."I know you're really busy, but..."

earlier hints are...
  1. drawn-out small talk
  2. throat clearing
  3. lack of eye contact
When you do turn down the request, keep your no short.  The more wiggle room you give, the more ammo the other person has to attempt to change your mind.  Resist the urge to apologize profusely.  That will only show you're uncomfortable with your decision.  Don't fall into the compromising trap.  That's as bad as saying yes.

The All-Purpose No

"I would really love to, but I can't."

"No, but thanks for thinking of me."

"I'm sorry, but I'm just not in a position to take that on."

"I know you'll understand.  I just can't do one more thing."

"I won't have time to do a good job with this.  Why don't you ask [someone's name] instead?"

"I'm flattered, but I can't."

"That's a great idea, but I'm going to have to pass."


The Special Occasion No

Someone you would rather not see wants to get together.
  • "Sorry, I can't make it; I'm over-extended, but I'll get in touch with you when my schedule opens up."
Your man hints about a three-some with you and your friend.
  • "Some girls might be into that, but I'm not one of them."
A friend wants you to volunteer for a cause you don't believe in.
  • "I respect how involved you are, but I can't participate."
Your co-worker asks you to help them on a project.
  • "If I take this on, I'll have to drop something else, which I can't do."
A stranger on an airplane asks if you'll give up your window seat.
  • "I'm already settled in, but maybe someone else will change with you."

Don't dwell on it or allow yourself to feel guilty.  It will get easier.  Once you see how much more control you have over your life, saying no will become second nature.

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